So why couldn’t you get her into bed? Whether it’s being overall clueless or making one dumb comment, it’s surprisingly easy not to realize you’ve made a misstep. “Let’s face it: In a society with a plethora of online dating sites, speed dating opportunities, and new dating technologies emerging nearly every month, women are more focused on ruling men ‘out’ than ruling them ‘in,’” says expert Marni Battista, founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity.
To investigate the missteps you might be making without even knowing it (and to prevent you from doing them again), 10 women told us of times they were this close to sealing the deal with a guy…and how he blew it. Don’t repeat their mistakes, gentlemen.
1. Check your standards
You’re looking for sex, not a soul mate.
You don’t have to throw out all standards. But if you want to get laid fast, you should probably sacrifice some things you would normally want.
Maybe the girl is a little heavier than usual. Maybe she’s not the smartest. Maybe she’s not your ideal hair color or skin color. Who cares. This is about sex.
Be honest with yourself. Either you’re turned on by her, or not. If your friends will make fun of you for hitting on the fat chick who turns you on, then go out alone.
2. Get your head in the right place
Toughen up and be prepared for lots of rejections or brush-offs.
You are looking for girls who (1) are attracted to you, and (2) are ready to sleep with you quick. This is a minority of the girls you approach.
Lots of girls will not be attracted to you. And a girl who does like you might not want to sleep with you right away. Be ready to let her go and keep looking for the right girl.
3. Look your best and feel super-confident
This is a superficial, first impressions game. It’s less about a quality connection and more about superficial attraction.
“Superficial” for a man does not just mean your clothes/ outfit (although that makes a difference). It also means your confidence and overall energy as you approach.
If you are feeling relaxed, in a fun and playful mood, women will like that. Look good, smell good, and feel good.
4. Get your logistics in order
Where is your house in relation to the place you are meeting women? How long will it take to get there? How can you get there (by taxi, by bus, on foot, etc)?
Go to places with lots of candidates for quick sex (bars, clubs, night life districts, etc). And/or go where you know you have a high success rate.
For each girl you approach, quickly learn her logistical situation. Figure out if it will help or hurt your chances. (Is she not really doing anything tonight, do her friends have a big night out planned, is she engaged, etc). Filter out the ones with bad logistics.
5. Approach lots of women and put your sexuality out there
By far the most important thing to do is approach lots of girls.
If your head is in the right place and you’re ready to deal with rejections, this should be simple.
This is a numbers game to a degree. Expect to churn through a good number of girls before finding the right one.
Putting your sexual desires out there will screen out the wrong girls. This includes girls who are interested, but not interested enough to close the deal that night.
If you aren’t sexual enough, you will waste your time on girls who enjoy the attention/ flirting, but aren’t willing to sleep with you quickly.
6. Sexually escalate
You can’t have sex without escalation.
Escalate physically and verbally (with sexual flirting, sexual innuendo, etc). And try to isolate her and bring her to another place.
After a minute or two of chatting, you can invite her to check out another bar around the corner, for instance. Your escalation material doesn’t have to be complicated. You just have to relentlessly do it until you either have sex or she leaves.
Focus on physical escalation.
Note on Calibration
As far as calibration, there are two approaches.
One approach would be to calibrate really well and adjust to her feedback, while gently pushing things forward toward sex. It’s a gamble, but if you think you can eventually get her in bed, by all means do it.
The second approach would be to just escalate at your own pace until she shows discomfort or disinterest. And at that point just move on.
That would be if you don’t want to waste any time on a girl who isn’t going to give you exactly what you want. You would rather focus on finding the girl who is ready to have sex quickly, instead of warming up a girl who might be a gamble.
So there you go. Your simple 6-step guide to getting quick sex. It takes some effort but it’s very doable for the vast majority of guys.
Now, if you have the money and you really don’t want to do any work at all, you could always just call an escort service.
Bottom line is, if you want to have sex with a girl, you have to ask her to have sex with you. You can ask her outright, or ask through your energy, nonverbals and actions as described here.